i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
