i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
