it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
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