Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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