so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
