I never want to see another naked old woman again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
