If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
