Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
