you mean i was at the winter classic?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
