goodnight i made you a song goodbye
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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