i already hear my dad disowning me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
