I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
