I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
