I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Are we still banned from the library?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
