You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
