Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
