oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
