Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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