You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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