if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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