Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
