So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
