Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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