she was so not down for the gang bang
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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