Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
