Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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