This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
