I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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