I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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