Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
