he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Couch. On fire.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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