I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think my fart just growled at me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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