"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
