Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
