the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
