Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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