I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The beer is more important than you right now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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