Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
