i would punch a child for taco bell
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
