Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think my moral compass just broke
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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