Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
