I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
