I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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