Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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