guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
