Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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