We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
