I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
