I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
