we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize