First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize