yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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