I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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