last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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