He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
