Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
