Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
