We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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