So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
