actually, I'm a sock model
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
