so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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