remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
